Category Archives: Life

Surprise and counter action

My dad is almost like all dad in the world who put others need before him. Like he didn’t really care to shop even though his stuff are all ancient. As long as it is still functional, no need to buy a new one. Sort of his motto.

So last Tuesday, my sister and I had a surprise gift for him. We bought an SE Iphone and put it into a Secret Recipe box. We went home with all joys. The trick was done and he was overjoyed that he almost hugged me. We were all share the same feelings except for mom. Initially we thought mom just jealous.

But I sensed something was wrong, when she didn’t wanna join us for family outing that Sunday. Something wasn’t not right.

Few hours ago, my dad were asking me if I stick with the plan – to use his ancient Iphone 4.

” Perhaps, or I’m might be buy Huawei. The products line has amazing battery capacity. Iphone 4 has oudated IOS, I can’t even download waze.”, I said.

He just nodded. Mom overheard our conversation, and she was furious.

She thought I was just spending money recklessly. She knew the fact that I don’t even have stable income yet bought the phone using my savings. ( my sister owed me half of the money).

She’s been pressuring my sister to remove her sim card from her Iphone 5 and insert it into my dad’s Iphone 4. In a simple way, she’s gonna use my dad’s phone and handed me her phone. Not to forget, she warned me not to waste any money on phone anymore.

 

Well, practically speaking, what my mom did is genius. When it comes to financial, she is the guru. She knows how to run our family business, a wise risk taker and she just– i don’t know what the term to called someone who can salvage most dirt and put it to work.

Yes. We didn’t know the whole thing could hurt her.I mean, my sister and I, we just wanna  interject fun in our daily lives. We wanted to thank our dad for his hardwork. We didn’t think– this could just be turn into some kind of misery.

The ending? What kind of daughter I would be if I agreed to my mother? I would absolutely not gonna use her Iphone. So, I settle for a basic phone– my dad’s Iphone 4. Probably not gonna buy new one  anytime soon.

To some extend I do agree, even if you have notes, “money cannot buy happiness“. Well, not for everyone.

 

Messy-able

I am almost 26 and still confused with my life. I am not really sure what I want. I wake up and put on different facade everyday. I could not possibly decide, which one is closest to my true colour.

I believe most people know my story. I am waiting for my so-called dream job. I got the title but not the job, yet. I  can be so miserable at times.

Ironically, even If I get that job, I am pretty sure I’ll be having same feeling- if not worst. MISERABLE. 

There are so many things in my mind right now.  Some people are lucky if they can share shits with their family, because I can’t. I tried. I just can’t bring myself to say it.

 

But I cannot bear it anymore and that’s the serve the sole purpose of this WordPress- heart pour.

I think I have mild-to-moderate OCD. Obsessive Compulsive Disorder. Like I could not bear seeing a glass at the edge of the table. I would move it to center. Or I would totally forgotten if I already locked my car then I ran back to car park – for reassurance. Or if these traits are not counted as OCD, well maybe this is just HABIT.

I don’t know if you call this HABIT or GIFT or anything that fit the title that- I AM OBSERVANT. I noticed little things. Like tinge of blue lips of a  5 year old girl – she is having Heart Disease, I am guessing Tetralogy of Fallot. Or 18 year old teen male, post operative came for dressing his wound. He told me the reason for his operation due to ” extra bone growing on his thigh”- I said he was having OSTEOSARCOMA- the benign bone tumor. He showed the discharged note- I am right. Left FEMUR OSTEOSARCOMA.

How did I know?

It is not hard. Observe + Knowledge + Probability = Answer.

Probability (?) yes. Medical school shaped my mind into that perspective.

But noticing little things and little changes are not all good per se. I had to bear the consequences. At times, I had to pretend I didn’t notice. or I just didn’t care. or I didn’t give a damn.

But I do.

I had the capability to shut down my emotions. But if I get there, my old self is a history.

And I don’t know if I would ever come back here again. Writing, I mean. Is this place really private?

1130 pm and Gotye song

No matter how much we thought we understand what’s going on we’d still jump into the wrong conclusion and get ourselves hurt. Next time when we are in this position, there is no harm in taking a step back and turn things around into something that won’t hurt. Pain in certain but suffering is optional.

Most of the time we choose to fight when the only problem was we speak different language and we refuse to translate each other. If only we take the time to do translations we’d be surprise how we escape unnecessary pain.

 

Chasing dark thought

“God created suffering so that joy might appear through it’s opposite” – Rumi

Example 1

We were supposed to go hiking on Monday, but the leader had to postponed it to Tuesday and informed us at the very last minute because his son is feverish. Knowing me, I’m easily disturbed if things didn’t go according to my plan. I took a deep breath and continue to sleep. The thing is.. I already had plan with my mom on Tuesday’s afternoon around 2pm. So we had to travel to the trail ( the place is 1.5 hour drive from my place) earlier than we already plan. We left around 4am in the morning, and reached destination at 6.03 and  we had to back before 1100 am.

The struggle was real. It was 5 times  harder than my previous hills.The hills have  10 peaks. When we had to go down the hills, the sun was already rose and I was drenched in sweats. My body is finely tuned but the external factor- the sun. The heat was killing me.At hill no.5, I stopped and I slumped, exhausted onto the grass. I intended to take a long break, but the leader forced us to move. The longer we wait, the hotter the place gonna be. So we moved, with slow and steady pace.

a) If we were going on Monday we  left home at 5 am, and gonna reached the trail at 7.03 am.  With our pace, I don’t think I can make it

b) Moreover, the leader intended to drive his car, but luckily when he brought his son to clinic, the engine cannot start. Weak battery. So he changed his mind, he drove his wife car to hiking on the very next day.

Example 2

At 9pm, I was starving and the  was no proper food in the” temporary house”.  The cafe was closed. I have no car. I have a car, but I just met an accident last 3 months so it was still at the workshop. I already request the authority the permission so I can have the “free food” but there were just too many bureaucracy questions. All I can do was to abuse my medical knowledge. I am gonna let you imagine what comes next.

Out of desperation, I texted a friend to dine out the next day. And we had been having dinner almost every night for that month.

a) If isn’t because of the restriction and having no car, I would not be so close with an amazing friend. The one who I could always count on. You know who you are.

Sitting alone in my room, I reminded myself everything served a purpose. I was reminded myself

“BE PATIENT”

It is not like I have to sit down, and accept every faith blindly. The concept is wrong. Patience means you become proactive instead of reactive. Think all the possible solutions to the problem and execute them. Come up with back up plans. Acknowledge the feeling but not to be engulf in emotions.

Every moments, each of them contributed in my story. I couldn’t make it clear, but I could feel it with my heart.