The pain is the necessary path of this process.

I know you are scared.

The is the biggest storm in your life, you need to weather through it. Hold on.

“It gets worse before it gets better”.


Too much of negativity

Because I invested too much time on Facebook & Twitter lately,

I get annoyed reading posts attacking junior doctors a.k.a the housemen in my country.

One article even mentioned

“Junior doctors cannot cope working 8 hours a day..”

8 hours? In regular basic, a houseman works 15 freaking hours a day, then on on-call their working hours might extended  up to 24-32 hours?

Do you know that this profession is inhumane to the junior doctors? Ask them

They have less time to eat, to drink, leisure time not even to poop! Some even had to sacrifice their job (quit) because they cannot manage time properly to nurture their baby/kids.

Are you lucky to have doctor in your family? Think again, she/he did take care of others but the very same person did abandon their own family.

Ask yourself, do you have WEEKEND? Because we do not have that privilege!

How my dad also reminded me “haaaa see, the houseman needs to see counselor for bad attitude”

I even said “I cannot have babies at this stage of my life because of my profession”

I’m so sick of it.

Can somebody tell me good things about medicine. Please. 


Hi, I am back.

It’s been a while. I know.

Today is the 2nd day of Psychiatric Posting, and it’s been a dramatic day, for me.

During clinical in the teaching room, my friend presented about delusional disorder case where the wife had idea of jealousy-infidelity towards his husband. However, in the physical examination part, she had forgotten to calculate the BMI of the patient.

So, SIr G asked somebody else to do it. A did the calculation, so did I.

I took out my phone out of my pocket, and press calculator. “Oh underweight, I said to myself”

Then I kept it back.

Not long after that, beeping sound is heard, TATADOCOMO sent me a message. I quickly, put my phone on silent mode.

Okay. Let me tell you the seating arrangement first..


So, I was sitting in front of Sir G. It felt so awkward to maintain eye contact 24/7,( plus I could not think of answer of his bombastic questions), so I tend to shift my gaze downward and hold my pencil case, stared at it blankly.

But most of the time, I was taking down points that he had been mentioned on my notebook.  My hands are on the desk and I face downward.


So I heard he kept throwing sarcasm about  some of us are keen playing with phone.

How “attention is arrousal but ill sustained” in some people. I had no clue.

Toward the end of the class, he looked me in the eye, and said

“You are sitting right in front of me, but I know you’re playing with that. I heard the beeping sound”

I was like “NOOOOOOOOO. I didn’t”

“Then you must be day dreaming”

My group mates, as expected, they were bursting out laughing. I didn’t say anything, trust me my phone is in my pocket all the time. I know it’s no point of being defensive in this situation.

Ai even told me that I had no sight at all, as I didn’t realize that Dr G had talking bout me  an hour ago.


Dear Dr G, 

I think you are the one who are the one who paranoid. Just like the patient.

How I wish I can say that,





3 days ago, I carved a history at my university.

It’s all started when we had a briefing for examination by an external examiner. I’m aware that I’m  unwell. The day before,I skipped my lunch because of my heavy breakfast.

I had the worst feeling in my life. My stomach was like stormy ocean, with all the fluid and contents mixed up, upside down. To the east, and back to the south. I feel nauseated and even had thrown up for 3 times that day. I honestly had mixed feeling, I DONT WANNA GO to the briefing. But I forced myself.

At lecture hall.

I arrived at 815 pm sharp. Lecturer came 15 minutes later, and everything went well. He is the most funny and laid-back speaker I’ve ever met. Few times he asked differential diagnosis, moving his target from the last boy sitting at the back to the boy sitting in front of him. I muttered few answers, well I’m among the back benches at that time, so my voice was not that audible. 30 minutes had past, and I kept myself composed. My head started to crack,I felt my legs being chained and my body was thrown to the sea. I’m suffocated but remained calm.

Few times, I’m using my thumbs to  press the blood vessel at the corner of my eyebrows for 10 seconds, which gave sense of  temporary relieve. But it didn’t last.

15 minutes had gone. I tried to have conversation with  my inner self. Failed. I cannot wait no more.

With another choking sensation, it felt like a dragon about to fire. The angst, The tantrum, got stuck at my throat. I stood up, walking gracefully to the front door ( we have no back door), while my eyes were searching for  small basket bin nearby the door.

The doctor  (speaker) sensed my movement. He paused from his lecture and made a comment ;

“Do you have headache?”

I smiled. No words was running through mouth. Half of the people in the lecture hall had shifted their attention towards me. I can sense that, and I’m nervous.

I rushed toward the dustbin, with my knee on the floor and my face about 10 cm from the basket’s rim,

“UWEEEEKKKKKKKK” followed by *sounds of SPLASH!”

(Repeat the above action 3times)

Moment of silence.

I felt a warm hand briskly rubbed my back. Y was sitting next to me, trying to help me to get up on my on. I cannot. I need few seconds.

I think Dr was also shocked and the last thing I heard from him was

” Somebody please give her a chocolate”

Ace my 2nd Pro Examination.

Pro Examination II is a crazy exam. It’s cumulative of 2 years ( Y2-Y3) medical syllabus in one BIG EXAM. One year is normal, but 2 years is seriously painful.Worst,your future is determined by only  few papers in those days. And I never worked as hard as I did for that year. Not for high school. Not even for college.

Read your textbooks. Slides are only meant for summary not understanding.

I’m keen in reading medical textbooks. I can grab the concept better with text, flow and associated illustrations. I’m not like some genius robot, whom you can feed with several points and *puff* digest it down. ( surely not that type). I’ll have my moment,think about it, discuss with my friends and write it down.

The drawback is how slow the process is. It works wonder if only you start reading early.

If not, just skip this part. Go back to lecture slides.

Written works best for me.

I have my own notes. I have notes for everything.

For 2nd & 3rd year, my headings will be the disease itself in particular block.

For example:

Block = Respiration

Respiratory Tuberculosis.

1. Definition ( or pathogenesis)

2. Sign & Symptoms

3.Differential Diagnosis

4.Investigations ( Think of simple thing first – eg blood test)

5. Treatment ( Medicine or Non Medicine)

6. Discussion ( pathophysiology etc)

I think most students are familiar with the outline ( or you will be, soon). There’s a copy of this note that compatible with our syllabus. You can just download,print and memorize it. But I prefer to write it my way. Do not rush in doing notes. Leave some space for future notes. You will be in great surprise knowing how beneficial it will be.

Oh, I also have notes in the names of “etc”. Anything that has not related with disease per se, keep them in separate pages.

However, you should find method suits you best. I know people who didn’t  have notes but still excel in their studies.

“Do not just read books, go to hospital. Clerk patient”

The moment Prof uttered this, he had the rebel monster inside me awaken.

I was giving out my all, what else do you expect me to do?.

My heart broke a little.

But he is right ( he always is). Good doctor isn’t only has her nose under book. The capability to examine the patient thoroughly is a vital aspect not to forget to being able to communicate clearly and precisely.

Furthermore, you can speed up the learning process by clerking the patient & visit the hospital more often. The least you can do is read the patient’s file.

I know, language is a HUGE barrier. Like dinosaur, huge!. But everything requires little effort right?

After all, it’s your decision to do medicine in oversea.

Keep your track

End block assessment is a tool to measure your performance.I did pass most of assessments with average grades. Don’t be disheartened if you do not score well.

But if you fail miserably, something is wrong. Go back and revise the whole block. Seek for help.

Oh, I’m abide with reward-punishment system.

Example, “If I pass my Central Nervous Block ( mind blowing block), I will treat myself with spa”

Well, if you wonder…I passed & get my pedicure done. haha

Study group or alone?

It’s totally up to you. If you prefer study alone you can have high degree of freedom.

Otherwise, study group is rather interactive and effective, provided you guys follow the schedule.

3-4 people in a group is just nice. Having your companies around make study environment more engaged and fun especially when it comes to pharmacology.

The saying goes, ” If you wanna walk fast, walk alone. If you wanna walk far, work together”

But what I love most, when everyone  helps each others  along the way. Oh, my study mates and I scored the internal assessment with great grades. I can’t describe how content I was at that time.

Plan ahead

I originally have 2 study mates and another 4 are transferred students from Egypt. However, they did not stay until the end. So the original team is remained. Nevertheless, we have planned everything one year  before the examination. We have timeline and things to cover. Usually we will be up as early as a7 am almost every day to cover read medical books or practice some questions.

Some days you would see me listening half awoke under my duvet, another day some people were overslept and there have been days, no one was around. We are really not  that diligent but at least we had it covered during weekends!

To E & Al, I owe guys a lot. Thanks for stand by me all this while. Things won’t be the same without your aid.


This is the utmost import key point to success. Organize yourself and spend your time wisely.

If you must, spend little time on the internet. Do a small task and reward yourself by surfing online afterwards.

What I did last time is wrote down my to-do-list in a standby organizer, and get it slashed when it’s done.

Marvellous! You will gain great self accomplishment.

Side note

Expect bumpy roads. Like out-of-nowhere questions will come out. Out of all organisms, Balantidium Coli appeared on OSCE paper. What?!

Apart from that, we received short notice one week before exam that OSCE style had been changed to fully oral. I panicked for a while. We all did.

“What questions would the examiners ask?” No one knows.

Emotional breakdown? Countless time.


In a  nutshell, success is the result of hard work and team work. Medicine is seriously fun course – at least for me.

Every hard work has been paid off the moment our deputy dean announced my name as  a 4th Year Candidate!

I’d made it!

So,Good luck!

I could not believe this, but I can’t wait for my next clinical year.