I’m done with my PBL part and I’m so ecstatic. Imagine I had spent 2 productive hours on solving the trigger. Wow. I’m not a brilliant student but I believe in consistency. I believe it is the amount of efforts you put in before you come to a stage where you’ll congratulate yourself for the achievements you’ve made. And the most important things is, the degree of dependant toward Allah. I believe HE has a great destiny awaits me so, I have to run for success, if I get tired, I will walk, if I fell down, I will crawl, I won’t stop even if I have to use all the limbs I have in order to touch the ribbons of the finishing line.Because I have Big Dreams, and I don’t care about dogma,mentality, perceptions- well people have the right to judge. And I have the ability to block all the negative forces from get into myself -with God’s willing.
This is my ‘dissected’ pathology book.
Big, delicious dreams are expensive. The right attitude attitude is the currency. Obviously, I have to pay with discipline. Everyday I’m trying to better a better version of myself. I have restrain myself from taking caffeine, I get under my duvet before midnight, I open eyes in the early morning, I run errands and cook for dinner, I prepare breakfast for my cliques, I perform dhuha for more redz, I recite Quran to improve my memory ( well this is one of the benefits), I didn’t miss any classes with appropriate reasons ( I don’t even ask for M.C (leave) when I met with the accident), I bid shalom to my friends- indirectly pray for their well-beings, I didn’t play game/ serve internet during lecture and I avoid communication devices during studying.
But I know I mislooked over one thing. I can’t really forgive myself. Often, in the most chaotic situations which lead to depression, I always blame myself as the culprit. Not until today, when I read Kei’s blog. She is really a grown up girl now. She did admit she was quite arrogant and lazy back then, but instead of looking at the history, she works on improving herself. Okay. Maybe it doesn’t easy as it sounds, but she changed. That’s the only thing that matter.
Now, I have to learn to accept myself as a whole. I have to love the girl I used to be and the person who I will be in the future, and vital, to accept who I am today.
I heard people say, ‘If you can’t love yourself, you ain’t a good lover’.
Oh. Well, lets spread the love. I love ME! 🙂