Trapped.

I raised my hand, ” Can I suggest a name please?”. He nodded.

” Syuhadah”. That was the moment when Sue got the title : Welfare Bureau. The lecture hall  was getting out of control,the noise was swelling with calling names, uneasy faces seen everywhere, everyone was preparing to leave. The lecture was long over, already there were swift movements, and laughter is easier minute by minute.

He continued “Since our secretary had won the election and now she is General Secretary, there is a vacancy for this post, any suggestion?”

Silent. Mute. Everyone looked around. Few names were mentioned, unintended and dissolved in the same breath. A sudden emptiness seemed to flow, the students started to think/suggest some suitable candidates.

I looked at my back, and said in a low voice, almost unheard. ” That person must be good in writing”.

” Jamariah” – she said.

” Nadia “- D said

and someone mentioned, ” Sarah”.

I’m so helpless, last time I already made fun of myself by rejecting 3 consecutive positions in the first meeting. I had made statement that I didn’t want take any post at that moment.

This time around, I said nothing. I tried to hide my face, finding balance between confident and shy.

” That’s it. 3 candidates. Now, it’s time to vote” – He added.

I was never quite still, there was always tapping foot, and frequent attempts to clear my throat. I expected him to let 3 of us went out of the hall, so there was not hurt feeling in voting candidates.

But he didn’t.

“Who vote *my name?”  He said.

I didn’t turned around, but I could sense many hands up in the air. I heard S screamed my name. I heard Naj yelled my name.

” Majority had voted you”. He said in solemn voice. And the meeting was over, just like that.

Deep down, I begun to question myself. Why everything happened in a way I couldn’t escape myself from being trapped in a commitment?

First, I had my friends talked bout that matter. Next I found book mentioned about my attitude. And now, I was given a position, which I would never be able to run from reality.

Coincidence? I don’t believe in such thing.

I was confused and disordered, not long until I gained my conciousness yet I still in a fragment of lost words.

I ask nothing but the strength to hold myself to the next phase of my life.

” Great position comes with Great Responsibility” – anon.

Image

Ameen.

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