What do you really want?

.. I’ve been asking my heart lately.

And I don’t really have answer for that. Sometimes heart has it’s own language, and when it speaks, you had to listen carefully.

or you’ll hear nothing but your normal ‘heart beat’.

And I’m worried for the sign my heart tried to convey. I know it is a false alarm. I know it is a  bad omen. I know it will lead me astray. I know it, right away.

One of my ustazah ( teacher ) once told me an analogy of fasting. Imagine if you had your empty tummy for all day long, did you start salivating by looking at the delicious meals? Did your mind write the food -check list that should be served during magrib?

And did you know, you are strong enough because you didn’t open your fasting  just like that?

No matter how tempting the foods are, you had successfully resist the unbeatable temptations. It is not just that, you gain control over yourself and your nafs. By that, you have  an advantage over Mr. Satan.hahhahah He failed. You scored. Congratulation 🙂

And when you are allowed to eat, you don’t really feel the hunger.  or the thirst. Allah bless you with an indescribably ‘self-satisfaction’. If you had fasting before, I’m 100% sure you get what I mean.

I guarantee you won’t get the same feeling if you are not fasting. MashAllah, no words could really how sweet it was.

So, the thing is quiet the same.

When your heart  overstepped the border, go backward.  For the barrier being set up for your own protection, and your own goodness.

‘Great thing comes for those who waits’ – a ha. This one fits the situation.

So, look up. Pray to Allah for a stronger heart. So I can continue  guard my heart until the day comes to unlock it’s own key.

Sometimes I was just too weak, I wasn’t think straight but deep down I know, I had to get control of my emotions.

And do you know what get me going through my inner fight? . The bless marriage I’ll have afterward, insyALLAH.

” Sometimes the hardest things and the right things are the same” – The Fray.


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